Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish i was in the wii world.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
