you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
