I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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