so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
