I don't usually arrange sex via text message
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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