allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize