guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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