Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Randomize
