If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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