when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
