is your mom at the bar?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
