you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
