So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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