I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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