first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
