xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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