I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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