I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
