why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and you said cock pushups were impossible
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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