My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
