you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
