I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
