You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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