btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you had me at cake vodka
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
