his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
