im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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