He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
