And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
