At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
now i know why i became what i already was.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
