don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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