i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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