I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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