I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
