He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
