I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
