If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
