If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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