ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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