Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
