You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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