so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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