no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
