Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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