How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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