So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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