so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
