Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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