I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
