I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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