My cat gives me a boner
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
