I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
