There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
