Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
