upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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