I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
