I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
