sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
