And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
