i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
