...so i touched it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
