wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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