I can tuck mytits in my pants
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
