when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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