Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
