we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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