Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
