Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
