apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
