Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
