hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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