Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
false alarm. still invincible.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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