he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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